Choosing Healing

Choosing healing means compassion and grace. I have personally found this to be the most important factor for success. What I went through was difficult enough; I shouldn’t be adding shame and guilt to the pile. If I have an angry day, it’s ok. If I can’t concentrate on a project, it’s ok. I give myself permission to struggle. Most importantly, when I realize that I played a part in whatever caused the wound – like perpetuating/enabling abusive behavior – I treat myself with grace and recognize the position that I was in.

Choosing healing means going deeper. This is why I started writing; it helps me to get below the surface by sorting my thoughts and processing the events. It continually reveals behavior that I didn’t recognize, his or mine, and helps me to understand reactions. Going deeper into the issue can be really painful, but I gain new insight to clean out more emotional debris. I find the greatest breakthroughs and victories when I choose to fully explore my wounds.

Choosing healing means letting go of timelines. There is no standard amount of time for any emotional wound to mend. Every person will heal at a different pace. If something feels too painful to delve into today, it’s ok. Part of that grace is giving myself permission to acknowledge pain and then place it aside for a while until I have the capacity to come back. Don’t rush the process.

Choosing healing means learning. Education is a critical part of healing (check out this post for tips on selecting resources). First, knowing more about what you went through and what you may go through as a result will normalize your reaction and the process ahead of you. Second, being educated can help you know what may be deeper and how to get to it, which leads to the next point;

Choosing healing means filling your toolbox. There are so many methods available. Learn new coping mechanisms. Try new self-care. Practice new communication skills. Use a variety of resources. There is no one size fits all bandaid to slap on. What works to heal one of your wounds may not work for the others. Sometimes a long hike and mountain top view for a few hours gives me enough time and space to mend a scrape. Other times, I need weeks of counseling and journaling just to get one stitch in.

Choosing healing means growth and change. Every element above is going to lead to your personal development. When you choose healing, you move towards wholeness. You become a better version of yourself. You are equipped for healthier progress as you enter new situations and circumstances. Growth also means fresh levels of peace and joy for me. My soul finds new contentment; it is the most beautiful feeling.

Community usually plays a big part, but this pandemic has changed that dynamic. While facetime and zoom calls certainly help, it doesn’t replace the impact of presence. I look forward to being able to sit face to face with friends again.

Interviews. I know that sounds odd. It is really encouraging to me to hear other people’s stories, whether they include abuse or not. It helps me feel less lonely in my pain, gives me new self-care ideas, leads me to new resources, keeps my mind open to possibilities, and can show me other points of view.

Exercising outside. Exercise releases good chemicals in the brain and body, and I find it significantly more impactful if I do it outside. Sunshine provides us with good things, which is part of this equation, but a lot of it has to do with the wonder I feel towards creation.

Journaling, writing, blogging.

Cooking is my creative outlet.

I’ve been trying to introduce new elements into my sleep routine during this particular season, though I haven’t found anything super successful.

Washing the dishes. It provides me with near-instant gratification, cleans up my environment which reduces my stress, and typically gives my brain a break.

Watching rom-coms. Because sometimes I just need that fuzzy feeling.