There is a lot of very thorough information if you Google “how to choose a counselor/therapist,” so I am only going to highlight a few items because my main focus today is to encourage you to go. Go to counseling. You don’t have to be in crisis or have a mental health struggle to benefit from it. In fact, better to build a relationship with a counselor, learn healthy coping skills and improve emotional intelligence before a crisis hits so you are well equipped to make it through.
It’s important to be comfortable with your counselor. You may naturally feel a little uneasy for a few sessions until you build trust, but you should feel like your counselor has made you feel welcome and safe from the start. I personally believe that seeing someone of the same gender has great benefit. If you go for a session or two and feel like they aren’t a good fit, don’t quit altogether – try someone new.
Education and experience does matter. There are lots of fancy titles out there that convey a level of expertise that a person does not actually have. Do your research about qualifications before you choose. It is also good to ask a counselor about specific fields of study or types of clients they have worked with. You don’t want to see someone for marriage counseling if they specialize in addiction. As I say that, I want to highlight all of the residents out there that are working towards licensing. This means that they have completed formal education and are now gaining supervised experience. Particularly if you are seeking counseling for a non-critical issue, seeing a resident can save you money and can provide them the experience they need. They are not “practicing” on you but are learning to apply their education in every situation.
If you are a person of faith, there can be incredible advantage in seeing someone that shares your faith. Many counselors are good at being respectful of religion and understanding of how it impacts you, but there is a lot of value in integrating your belief system into counseling. I’ll speak directly regarding Christianity – inviting Jesus into counseling makes a difference. Your counselor does not need to share all of your theology or biblical viewpoints, in fact that is something they likely won’t tell you about, but it is absolutely beneficial to the process if they believe that Jesus is our savior, has forgiven our sins, and is the ultimate counselor and healer.
What you might seek counseling for outside of a crisis, traumatic experience, or mental health concern:
Learn self-care skills.
Explore habits and behaviors that you learned from your family of origin.
Discover your current communication style and learn other options to improve.
Take a deeper look at an emotion that you experience frequently, see if it’s rooted in something, and learn how to manage it.
Receive support during a major life change.
Manage a high level of stress in your life.
See why you might have trouble making friends or working with others.
Premarital counseling – my personal belief is that you should go before getting engaged because it is intended to help you decide if you should get married. It is much harder to see clearly once a commitment has been made (and a bunch of wedding deposits have been paid).
Married couples can go for checkups instead of waiting until you’re on the brink. Write down a few struggles you’ve been feeling in the relationship and see if you can improve those areas.
*I wanted to add a note regarding hotlines, teletherapy, text therapy services, video counseling, etc. Technology is wonderful. These services are making help more accessible. Counseling doesn’t have to only be in person. You can use the same guidelines listed above when deciding to use a virtual service. Just remember that every situation is different and can benefit from different types of assistance.
This isn’t about going back to school. Read good resources- and by good, I don’t mean well liked. Do your research on the author and the piece you’re reading. Make sure they are peer reviewed and have been published by sound, professional organizations. If you are looking for a faith-based resource, confirm it is widely accepted by the greater faith community. Wisdom is agreed upon by many.
Take advantage of online resources like seminars and conference sessions. Just like you would look at a counselor’s credentials before seeing them, be sure to verify the background of the person you are watching. There are plenty of professional organizations and experienced educators offering video learning. Social media can be a tool as well, just use the same filter for qualifications before following.
Check out a wide variety of resources. It is important to be open minded and willing to learn. See value in different viewpoints and sharpen your critical thinking skills. Develop stronger personal beliefs by having awareness of all of the sides and practicing discernment instead of throwing out opposing points.
As I mentioned in my last post, I initially turned to materials and advice that weren’t suitable for my situation. Because I was experiencing abuse, marriage advice meant for couples with two people appropriately participating (though maybe not healthily) in the relationship was not fitting for me and often perpetuated the problems. This is why seeking professional help can be so important. But education wise, I needed to first look into the behaviors that were causing me harm and then seek guidance on managing them. I went straight to looking at materials and listening to people that spoke of great marriages. In theory, that is a good decision, but it would have been most helpful to seek resources aimed at my specific issues. An example might be that you and your spouse are having a lot of arguments surrounding finances. While education about fighting fair is a useful basis, it would be most helpful to seek financial literacy resources and learn how to create a mutually satisfying financial plan.
Support groups, small groups, community classes, online chat groups and group seminars aimed at specific issues can be life changing. You can make friends while finding the help you need. There is value in all types of relationships, but there is power in meeting with people who understand the struggle and emotions you are experiencing, or are trying to learn the same skill as you.
Community can also provide what I call “social counseling.” There are people all around us with great wisdom and life experience that they can share to help us through our own situations. Many people can lend a listening ear, well worn advice, and accountability to change – and they will likely feel fulfilled by helping you. Use judgment and remember it’s good to consider multiple points of view.
Leave a comment with a resource you love and what it is intended for.
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