I think you are here, reading this post because you are choosing healing. Congratulations! It’s a trying journey, but it is worth every minute spent and every tear fallen. If you are like me, you will need constant reminders about why it really is the best choice to continue the pursuit. You will become a better you. Change and growth are good for you. You can do this. God has made you able. Thanks for being here.
Let’s talk about how to be Re.silient in your pursuit of healing.
Education. If you’ve been reading here for a while, you’ll notice that I talk quite a bit about educating yourself on the situation that you went/are going through. Learning normalizes your experience, gives new insight, and builds your mental and emotional toolbox. It also keeps you in a growth mindset. Those are critical factors for long-term resilience in healing.
As a Christian, I have made education about abuse a huge part of my relationship with God. He is always faithful to point me to scripture that supports what I am learning and how I am feeling about it. He teaches me how to integrate “secular” trauma exercises with my faith by inviting Jesus to do them with me. He is constant in reminding me of His love. He provides every form of support that I need.
Be social; don’t isolate. Building meaningful relationships to create community is most important, but any positive human connection is a good start. I know for me personally, when I begin to feel emotionally overwhelmed, reaching out to others is the first thing that declines. It’s a dangerous trap. Even as an introvert, friendships with positive and life-giving people help me to thrive. Being social can also help you see the world outside of your situation.
Help others. Building off of the last point, make time to take the focus off of yourself. When I make the decision to help others, even though I have my own hurt, my confidence grows. Being a good listener and offering your presence is significant. Volunteering and practicing random acts of kindness are great ways to have short but meaningful interactions. It is an incredible feeling when someone thanks you for being there for them, which helps me to feel like I have added value.
Take control. I don’t mean be controlling. What areas of your life can you take charge of? Finances are a good place to start. Follow a budget, pay off debt, and build savings. Say no – give yourself power over your schedule. If you have children, say no for them; they don’t have to participate in every activity under the sun. Choose your family and personal priorities and make sure that your schedule reflects them.
Use Self-Care. Everything on this list is a form of self-care, but it is important to add items that reduce stress and provide an outlet for the negative emotions that you will most certainly experience on your healing journey. Some items should also give you a time to rest in healing, recharging for the road ahead. Healthy habits help you to self-regulate by building a foundation of wellness. My list includes running, cooking, listening to podcasts, and writing.
Build character. This is done in relationship with others through kindness, humility, generosity, listening, and being a helper. Go deeper with integrity in your thoughts. For me, a really big challenge has been making the choice to release justice to God’s hands and not hope for bad things to happen to my ex. Maybe for you, it’s keeping anger in check and not allowing it to become explosive in thought or action.
Be confident. Self-esteem is a game-changer. You’ve built your character; now feel good about who you are and what you are capable of. I am …. enough to do this. Fill in what you need to hear today. Say it out loud. YOU ARE ABLE. I know, because God created you to be. Go to scripture, listen to what God says about you, ask Him for what you need. He is on your side.
Have hope. Like I said in the beginning – You will become a better you. Change and growth are good for you. You can do this. The future can be better than the past!
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