I was listening to a talk on relationships a few days ago and an idea really stuck out to me. A question was asked about couples surviving quarantine and a beautiful answer was given about making a decision to pivot. You always have the ability to say, “this isn’t working how we’re doing it, so let’s make a change.” You are allowed to abandon the offenses of the last few weeks and Re. – reevaluate, recommit, recommunicate, reestablish, redefine, repurpose, reignite, reschedule…
That’s what this blog is all about. The option to say that what I’m doing or where I’m living or who I’m with or how I’m participating in life ISN’T WORKING. Maybe the situation that you’re in is not your choice – you still have the option to say how I’m viewing this or living through this or creating my experience around this ISN’T WORKING. I want change. I want hope. I want to thrive. I want more.
Easier said than done.
In a relationship, that takes laying down pride and being intentional in the details. In a job, maybe it means getting on a tight budget to save money and be able to make a transition. Or maybe it means a respectful but direct conversation with a boss to bring about change. In infertility, maybe it means sharing your story and walking in faith with some sisters by your side as you struggle together. Or maybe it means asking Him to give you a family through fostering or adopting.
There will be many battles in your life. Find your Re. in this fight.
This picture is my current battle. To WAIT. This season has been one of the most testing of my life. I have been doing my best to be obedient to God’s direction to wait, but I am restless, impatient, controlling, prideful, and a rule follower to my core. But Jesus doesn’t follow our societal rules. (I am not talking about the law – don’t break that!). He doesn’t check our boxes. Jesus isn’t living in our Instagram life.
Relationship. Job. House. Car. Appearance. Kids. Finances. Travel. Success.
Coupled with CPTSD, this season has been an emotional rollercoaster. I realized that I had to start praying a lot more, digging a lot deeper, working a lot harder, and reading a lot more scripture. I was finding that my outlook could change week to week, day to day, hour to hour. I needed stability. I decided to do a different form of journaling. It has helped me see my process and my progress. It has helped me to pivot my perspective.
I started doing this type of journaling as a teenager. I would go to conferences or summer camps and hear sermons. I would get really excited but then not know what to do with what I had heard. I began writing a sermon point at the top of a page and then praying over it. I could do this with as many points as I wanted and keep the excitement going for months. God would give me all sorts of unique revelations. He would point me to scripture. He would teach me to apply the sermon point to my life.
I have adapted that practice over many years to prompt me to journal differently. When I get stuck or have too many thoughts swirling, I write a word, a scripture, a question, or a sermon point on a page. Then I might start by writing a definition or any thoughts that pop up right away. As I do that, my emotions usually start flowing. I tell God things. I ask Him questions. I write down His words. I draw His promises up to the front of my mind. No paragraphs needed. I even do this each New Year with a word that I want to focus on and surround it with all of the things that it could stretch to.
After I finish my page, I pray over it. I might write a scripture on the back. Sometimes I put it up on my prayer board or my refrigerator. If I do this with a quote while reading a book, I will tuck it away in the pages. Every now and then, I tear it up and throw it away. I like to pull some out occasionally and write the prompt on a new paper to see how my thoughts have changed. It’s a good exercise in seeing your own world view widen or emotional intelligence increase.
I have had a specific word in my heart this year. I wrote WAIT on my paper. I wrote my feelings that day. My perception that day. Scripture that I felt connected to that day. God’s words to me that day. Anything that the word evoked from me or from God. And then, I did it again. And again. And again. I have 31 papers with the word WAIT. 31 different attitudes. 31 different cries to God.
Can I tell you something? Each and every single time that I did this exercise, God spoke to me the same seven words that He spoke to begin my wait. Those words are between Him and me, but it is important for you to know that no matter what I have felt or how I have struggled, His promise hasn’t changed. He is faithful to me. I am so thankful that I realized that allowing my emotions to run wild WASN’T WORKING. I needed to find my Re.
I had to Re.establish myself on the foundation of my God, who has never failed me and won’t start now. I had to Re.imagine what this moment of my life could look like – not what anyone else told me I needed to have or to do, just what He was asking of me. I had to Re.lease my expectations to Him and invite His creativity. I had to Re.main in His presence instead of checking out. I had to Re.sist questioning if it was really His voice when He had made it clear.
Come back Wednesday for ways to find your Re. in the fight. I’d love to pray over your battle if you place it in the comments. Thanks for reading.
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