Everyone can experience triggers, positive and negative. Holding a piece of seeded Italian bread with a perfectly crunchy crust and magically soft inside triggers flashbacks of big family meals in the basement of my grandparents house on Long Island. That basement was where I was met with an overflow of delicious Italian food made by my stereotypical Italian grandmother who I can hear saying, “Have a little more. Mangia!” You can read about negative triggers here, but this post is about taking back control.
You can Re.wire your brain and body to overcome triggers.
These are the techniques that help me and might help you too. I will start with “in the moment,” which means grounding and re-centering. There are plenty of helpful grounding techniques that you can learn about online or in counseling. Choose a few that are realistic for you and practice them a couple of times a day in order to make them your learned first response. If you don’t practice without the triggered flooding, you won’t be able to enact your healthy response with it. These steps now happen completely naturally for me – after 3 years of practicing.
I start with 4-7-8 breathing (developed by Dr. Andrew Weil). Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, purse your lips and forcefully exhale for 8 seconds. I find it more effective than simply taking a deep breath and releasing it.
I think my favorite tool is to push my feet into the ground, spreading my toes and allowing them to feel the connection underneath. There is nothing like knowing that I am standing on a firm foundation.
Those two usually pull me back into now, but my next choice is to touch an object around me and focus on the texture. Side note – I often take something into my hands for difficult conversations, like a napkin if I’m out or a blanket when at home. This helps me stay calm and engaged. If I don’t, I often find myself picking at my fingers because I’m anxious.
If it’s a particularly bad moment, taking a drink of cool water helps too.
Once I feel grounded, I re-center.
I pray. Many times, I will begin my conversation with Jesus during my breathing and then thank Him for being my foundation, but sometimes, it’s all too overwhelming for my brain to find words that quickly. If so, I repeat the steps above a few times until I can find words. During my really difficult triggers that steal all control from me, singing worship is my default. I have literally spent hours singing until my brain could form my own thoughts. Worship music is the best choice because it includes truth about God and truth about you.
Once I have explained to Jesus what triggered me and how my brain, body, and emotions responded (yes, He already knows, but He is my ever-present counselor, so I treat Him as such) I use thankfulness to adjust the tone of my feelings. I thank Him for who is and what He is doing in my life.
Next, I practice positive self-talk. I use scripture to speak life over myself. I have memorized a few of my favorites, but sometimes I am amazed at what I can recall when I need it. That comes from studying my Bible. Get a journal just for writing what God says about you or try a bulletin board for a constant visual. Choose scriptures that comfort you and rewrite them as if God is speaking directly to you. Throw in a few items written in your own words, like “he doesn’t have control over me any longer, I took it back” or “I love myself the way I am, and I’ll just keep getting better.”
I always use the steps above, but occasionally I need more relief. Physical activity outside is my go-to choice for that extra release. If I’m shopping at target and the above cycle happens, and I still feel overwhelmed, I leave my cart and head outside for a lap around the parking lot. If I’m at home, I drop what I am doing, put on running clothes, and go. When I worked in an office, I left my desk and headed out for a short walk or paced in front of the windows when it was too cold outside. You may say you are too busy, but if you don’t fully release the anxiety from the trigger, it will build back up and continue to affect your day. Make control a priority.
I have overcome the trigger but that isn’t really freedom, it’s relief.
After I feel completely in control, “I come back when I am ready.” I don’t mean physically, but emotionally. The most significant practice that is helping me to reduce the number of things that trigger me and how often it occurs is by praying over “it” after the incident. This is a great practice to do with a counselor or trusted friend.
I designate a time to allow myself to go back to the moment that the triggering occurred, and I pray as I playback the situation. I typically use my breathing to stop anxiety from creeping into this process. Sometimes I can do this the same day, but often, I have to wait a few days or even weeks. I talk through what happened and then pray for God to stop “it” from being a trigger again. He has been faithful to me and helped me fully overcome many triggers.
I hope that creating a process of grounding, re-centering, and releasing “it” to Jesus helps you too. We will find complete victory!
As a reminder, seeking professional counseling is always a wise choice. During my period of vivid nightmares, I couldn’t have regained freedom without help. Don’t allow finances to discourage you from getting the help that you need. There are many counselors who are willing to adjust fees. If you are part of a church, you may have access to a counseling scholarship or even free services through a partner agency. There are also virtual options for short term help that can be more affordable like hotlines, text services, video counseling, and more.
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