After posting a few weeks ago that I was struggling with how much I relied on jobs or responsibilities to make me feel valuable and worthy, it was not all that surprising to hear that I wasn’t alone. Many people have difficulty separating who they are and what they do, especially when a talent comes naturally. We can get lost in labeling ourselves by our profession, creative outlets, or hobbies that it could feel identity-shattering if we were no longer able to perform those skills.
But we are not what we do.
Instead, identity should be built on character, temperament, personality, and God’s view of us. Of course, those things can and should grow, change, and mature as we meet new people, experience new situations, and develop new values. It’s important to challenge ourselves to make that growth in a positive and life-giving direction. A major way of identifying areas that need change is by recognizing when our perception of our identity differs from how others view us.
I am naturally a go with the flow, non-confrontational person focused on making everyone feel heard and loved. Unfortunately, that leads me to struggle to stand up against what others say about me. I can allow the people around me to perpetuate what I already think of myself, or sometimes even plant seeds for new lies. That was certainly amplified in my abusive relationship, as I shared on Monday. This makes it so important to be mindful of who I choose to surround myself with.
During that abuse, I also went through a period of deep depression in response to losing my sense of self (and because I felt trapped in a horrible marriage that I couldn’t define). Not just occasionally feeling sad, but being completely consumed by it. Feeling a total loss of hope. I often described it as feeling as though my mind, and even sometimes my physical body, was crushed under a pile of boulders because of the weight of my thoughts. It took me a while to choose counseling, but in the meantime, I was doing my best to practice self-care. (It got tough when I stopped believing that I was worth caring for. I’m thankful to be here today.)
These activities only moved my negative self-talk and loss of identity to the side for a moment. I needed to figure out what was in my heart and how I was living it out.
If you are struggling with your identity too, I encourage you to look to Jesus first. He has the best point of view because His love, care, and opinion of us are unconditional, making them the truest source we have. One of my favorite self-statements is, “I am who He says I am because He is who He says He is.” This post dives into His side of this equation, but I wanted to start with a list for us. As you find more scriptures that describe who you are or who you want to grow into, add them. Create your own list to put on your wall or cover the pages of your journal.
I am forgiven – “He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.” Psalm 103:12
I am loved – “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” 1 John 3:1
I am His friend – “I no longer call you servants…Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” John 15:15
I am justified and redeemed – “All are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:24
I am brand new – “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17
I am His child and heir – “Now you are no longer a slave but God’s own child. And since you are his child, God has made you his heir.” Galatians 4:7
I am accepted – “Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.” Romans 15:7
I am chosen – “Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.” Ephesians 1:4
Prioritize your relationship with Jesus. Press into the truth of His word. Allow Him to speak over you and breath into you, as He expresses His love for you, His greatest creation.
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