I don’t have any special tips today or healthy habits to talk about. For the person that read my story on Monday and felt a little less alone in your own, sometimes a helpful part of healing is to hear:
I am so sorry that you walking through your current situation. There is hope for freedom. There is hope for healing. There is hope for your life and your future.
You matter.
You are enough.
You are not crazy.
This is not your fault.
You are worthy.
You are capable.
You are intelligent.
There are people that love you.
Being abused does not mean you are weak.
You are not an idiot for ending up here.
Absolutely nothing you have ever done made you deserve this.
Absolutely nothing you can ever do makes their behavior your fault.
You are fully loved by God.
He is on your side.
Jesus loves you more than He loves your marriage/Jesus loves you more than He loves “keeping the family together.”
He will not hate you if you choose to leave.
He will take care of you and your needs whether you choose to stay or to go.
You are never alone.
If your spouse/partner/parent is blaming trauma or parenting for their abusive behavior or is threatening self-harm if you create boundaries or leave:
It is their choice to continue living without seeking healing.
You are not responsible for their treatment plan; there are professionals for that.
You can be supportive of their treatment without staying in the relationship.
You are allowed to do whatever you need to for your own safety.
You are not responsible for their self-harm.
You cannot force them to seek help. You are allowed to ask them to, and set clear consequences if they do not, including leaving.
If you are part of a church that:
doesn’t believe you
is taking the abuser’s side/supporting the abusive behavior as biblical
is questioning your faith or claiming you need to pray more
is telling you that if you change, your spouse/partner/parent will change too
is insisting that your only choice is to stay:
One ignorant church is not indicative of them all.
The church is made up of flawed humans and will not always be a true representation of Christ.
Don’t let that stop you from searching for a healthy church that can provide you the community that you need.
There are churches that will help you heal.
There are Christians that are educated on abuse and will understand.
Christian community is part of God’s plan for you.
If there is another affirmation that helps you, please leave it in the comments and I will add it to the list. You are valuable and your insight is worth sharing.
Thank you so much for being here with me.
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